patient practice. And because patience is an act of self-compassion, I hope you’ll treat yourself with compassion over your inability to be patient at times. That said, here are some strategies to help transform impatience into patience.
Let’s start with those times when the environment or people aren’t conforming to your expectations: for example, you’re stuck in a traffic jam or you find yourself behind that person in the check-out line who’s chatting with the cashier. First, notice that you’re responding with impatience. Second, pay attention to how it feels in your mind and in your body. Then ask yourself: “Is there anything I can do to change the situation without making matters worse for myself or others?” If the answer is “no” (which it almost always will be), then see if you can find what I’ll call “the good” in the situation. By this I mean, begin to focus on something pleasant or interesting while you’re waiting.This is a mindfulness practice, meaning you’re making a conscious choice backed up by effort to pay attention to everything that’s going on in your field of awareness. When I feel impatience arise, I can almost always find something in my present moment experience that arouses my curiosity or interest. This allows me to respond, not in “anger” or “upset” to what’s going on, but instead, with patience.
In a traffic jam, it might be checking out the different makes and models and ages of the cars on the road; it might be begining to chat with another person in the car; it might be finding a radio station to listen to. If I’m in that check-out line, it might be noticing with amusement the ridiculous headlines on those sensationalistic mags that sit in racks at the cashier stand; it might be looking at the people around me how everyone looks different and has a whole life story of their own that I know nothing about; it might even be eavesdropping on the content of the chatter that’s holding me up!
In fact, I try to cultivate friendliness toward those chatterers to enjoy how they’re enjoying each other’s company. After all, what’s another minute or two in line? If, like me, you have trouble standing for long, you can look for something to lean on or take a wide stance with your legs so you’re better balanced. Sometimes I bring a cane.
My point is that, yes, our first choice may be to institute a “no traffic jam on the freeway” rule and a “no chatting at the check-out counter” directive, but most of the time in life, we don’t get our first choice. When this happens, if the alternatives are to get upset and angry verses finding a way to make the experience enjoyable, or at least tolerable, I know which one feels better to me.
